Healing
by Nemisses
Summary: Ziva's return after her ordeal. Rated T just to be on the safe side since I've got no idea where exactly this is taking me.
1. Chapter 1

First of all I am not a doctor, so if I got some medical stuff wrong, don't sue me. LOL. This is the story following the events in the final episode. Once again apologizes for any mistakes in English.

**Healing**

Director Vance was waiting for Gibb's team to return from a crime sence. How the hell was he going to tell them. While Vance was lost in his thoughts Gibbs and his team entered the bullpen. The empty desk a reminder of what they had lost. Gibbs looked at Vance and he knew. He just knew.

Vance looked at Gibbs ' there is something you should know'

'Is she dead' Tony and McGee looked up. What was going on.

'No, however when they found her she was barely alive, they flew her back to Tel Aviv. The doctors thought it was necessary to keep her in a induced coma in order for her body and mind to repair itself'

' When can we go see her' Gibbs demanded.

'You don't get to see her. Mossad won't allow any visitors. As soon as I hear anything you will" Vance indicated that this conversation was over by walking towards the stairs leading to his office.

Gibbs walked over to Tony 'Do you still have that phone number from Ziva's aunt Netty'

Tony gave a little smile 'Yup, I really like the old lady, she is mixing up her idioms just like Ziva used to do.'

Gibbs thought it was the first time in a long while that Tony gave any indication that the little boy inside him was still there. Tony had become moody, dull and nothing like his old self ever again after Ziva decided not to return with them. In fact Gibbs often thought he didn't lose one agent he lost two at once. Tony and Ziva.

Gibbs started walking towards the elevator 'I think Abbs needs us in her lab'

Down in Abby's lab Gibb's team stood together while Abby hooked up Tony's phone to the speaker. 'Ziva's aunt Netty. You think this is a good idea, I mean she's old and it's in the middle of the night in Tel Aviv and maybe she doesn't know anything about the whole mess'

'Abbs' …….the phone rang……..

'Shalom'

' Aunt Netty, this is Anthony DiNozzo. You remember me from NCIS.'

'Ahh yes I do . Ziva's husband hahahaha' The old woman could still laugh about the whole 'mixup"'

' We were wondering if you have seen Ziva'

All of a sudden the phone went quit. They could all her sobs on the other end of the line.

' ah yes Ziva, poor Ziva look at what they did to her.'

'That's why we called' Gibbs cut in ' We want to know, they won't tell us'

' I went to see her today and it doesn't look good. According to the doctors they tortured her really bad. Her body was dehydrated, under-nourished and they stabbed and cut her several times. She has several broken bones. It doesn't look good at all, they are keeping her in a coma'

The team went silent. ' thank you Aunt Netty, will you keep us informed'

' Of course, what number should I call'

Gibbs gave Aunt Netty his phone number 'every little thing, even if it just to tell me you've visited her'

For two weeks Aunt Netty did call with little much to tell, everytime she reported no changes.

Gibbs answered his phone. " Gibbs"

"Yes, Special Agent Gibbs, this is Netty speaking. I've just been in to see Ziva and they are trying to wake her up. However so far nothing yet, I will call as soon as anything changes."

Gibbs took a deep sigh. He decided not to tell the team just yet, first wait and see. Two days later he got the news he wanted to hear so desperately . Ziva was awake. Gibbs decided that now was as good as any time to tell his time. Everyone was happy, they were all hugging each other. Tony even cried silently in the men's bathroom. She's gonna make it, he thought.

**Three Months later**

Gibbs looked at his cellphone but didn't recognized the caller.

'Gibbs'

A soft voice sounded, one he could barely hear 'shalom Gibbs'

'Ziva'

' I heard from aunt Netty you've been keeping tabs on me'

' I keep tabs on all members of my team' Gibbs could barely hear her, that is how soft her voice was.

' Am I still a member'

' Damm right you are, when are you coming back'

' I am not allowed to travel yet and I still need medical attention.' Ziva sounded tired.

' Mail anything you need or want to Ducky and he will arrange any kind of medical attention you need. When you do come over you will be staying at my place and that is final.'

'thank you. I keep that in mind'

Gibbs went to see Ducky and informed him that it could be possible that he would receive a mail from Ziva's doctors about her medical needs in order for her to travel to Washington. Ducky nodded ' As soon as I get any info I'll be searching for the best doctors I can find'

After several more weeks Ducky received his much anticipated mail. He was shocked at the amount of injuries Ziva had sustained. He got in contact with the best doctors someone of his stature could find and knowing Ducky those were the best of the best. He informed Gibbs when he got everything in place. ' where will she be staying cause we need to get her a good bed, one of those they use in the hospital, she will be having trouble getting in and out'

' she'll stay with me, so let's get her that bed'

Later that day the entire team was making sure Ziva would get everything she needed to feel comfortable, the bed was situated on the ground floor so she would have acces to everything that was essential, kitchen, toilet and if she wanted she could sit outside on the porch. Gibbs had made a wooden bed for her there with lots of pillows so it wouldn't hurt her and she still could rest.

' when are you picking her up'

' tomorrow morning 04.00'

' oke, we will be there' Abby turned around thinking it was over and done. She was coming along picking Ziva up from the airport.

'no you will not, she asked not to see anyone just yet. She is going to be very tired from the trip, she needs to rest first before she can see you all' Gibbs knew how disappointed they all would be but this time he was keeping his foot down. Ziva couldn't handle that much people yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the second chapter. Hope you like it. I've never written this fast in my life. I always try to write idea's down but my mind just isn't that organized when it comes to writing. When I sit down it will write itself or the story is lost somewhere in the dark corners of my mind.

**Healing part 2**

Ziva was nervous, very nervous. She shifted in her seat and got reminded that moving any part of her body wasn't exactly her favorite thing to do right now.

'officer David, is everything alright' Ziva nodded hoping she would stop talking. Thankfully the nurse got the sign and left it at that.

The nurse her father send with her to take care of her during this flight was rapidly becoming a nuance. She was glad she was finally allowed to leave the hospital, she was so sick en tired of all the nurses, doctors attending to her every need. The ones she hated the most were those damm psychiatrists they were always trying to find out how she felt, what she felt, and when she felt it. She had to explain her dreams, her actions, her needs, her wants, her every move. All she ever wanted was to be left alone, she was never alone during the interrogation. She was never alone in the hospital and she was never alone during her recovery time. They probably thought she going to kill herself because they thought she couldn't cope. Maybe she wasn't doing great but she sure as hell wasn't going to kill herself not after what she went through, she had fought to long to stay alive. She was not about to give up that easily. She was going home to her friends but why the hell was she so terrified.

She knew why, she looked like hell. Her long hair had been cut off because it was infested with flees and lice, scars were running up and down her body and it looked like she hadn't eaten in a year. Although the hair had begun to grow back it wasn't even close to what it used to be, that would take at least a couple more months or even up to a year.

Thinking about food had made Ziva hungry. She motioned over the nurse and asked for something to eat. Eating was one of her favorite things to do, her body needed it and Ziva was more than willing to get it anything it wanted.

She missed her mango smoothie the most. There had never been one in Israel to match the ones she always got from that place near the NCIS headquarters, god how she wanted one of those. She could almost taste it. The pilot announced their descent and all of a sudden she was even more nervous.

When they landed she wanted to get up but her legs gave out. Shit, please not now….cramp…Ziva looked for the nurse who already spotted her predicament and slowly started to massage her left leg.

Ziva never knew that having a cramp in your leg could hurt this much. She sighed and gave the nurse time to massage the cramp away before making another attempt at getting up, this time it worked. She still needed her cane but with the nurse behind her and lot's of seats to hold on to she could manage to get out without a cane which was a small victory on her part. The nurse got her a wheelchair but saw the look on Ziva's face and didn't even bother to ask. She just simply walked next to Ziva and pushed the chair along. Ziva's eyes were scanning the area, well at least one eye did, her left one still wasn't up to the task, her sight had gotten better but still. Every now and then it needed a rest and she had to wear the patch, stupid thing. According to her she looked like a pirate in one of Tony's movies.

Gibbs waited impatiently for Ziva's arrival and then he saw her. 'oh god'.

It was out before he had realized she had heard him. She fiddeld her very short hair.

With the same soft voice as he had heard on the phone she said ' it will grow back you know, it isn't that bad'

She looked like a little girl wanting her father's approval so badly that Gibbs took some very big steps and gave a hug that would have made Abby proud. Gibbs nodded to the nurse ' I'll take it from her, she will be taken good care of'

The nurse said nothing handed him the wheelchair and a bag full of medications. 'she is stubborn but her body isn't ready to support her strong mind just yet. She walked all the way from the plane but she going to need the chair in order to make it to the parking lot.'

Gibbs motioned for Ziva to take the chair. 'I am not going to argue with you, it's either this or I carry you all the way and I think you will be more embarrassed if I do that'

Ziva sat down quickly, well as quickly as she could. The moment she sat down was the moment she realized she was exhausted. Gibbs made it to the car quickly and returned the wheelchair to the desk after he had put Ziva safe and sound in his car.

During the ride she didn't say much when all of a sudden she told him she really wanted the mango smoothie she always used to get when she still worked for NCIS. Gibbs decided that there was no harm in a little detour and went by that place to pick up several mango smoothies when he got back to the parking lot he noticed she had fallen asleep. He carefully set the smoothies in the backseat between her suitcases so they wouldn't spill and drove quickly to his house. His first actions were to carry Ziva inside and get her comfortable. When he lifted her from her seat he noticed that she wasn't weighing that much, she was as light as a feather. He felt the brace she still had on her left leg and tried to be as gentle as possible. Once he got her settled for the night he removed her suitcases from the car and made it back inside.

When Ziva woke up the next morning she was completely disoriented. She realized she wasn't in any kind of hospital and with a big sigh of relief she slowly lowered her head back onto the pillow. Thank god, she was home.


	3. Chapter 3

Once again I do apologize for any spelling mistakes I make. English is not my native language, you've just got to read through them.

**Healing part 3**

Ziva slowly got out of her bed and was making her way to the shower.

'where do you think you going'

Ziva turned around which caused a slight pain in her left side. 'shower'

'ohhh yeah sure mmm you need help' Gibbs felt a little weird asking her that but he needed to know.

Ziva cocked her eyebrow ' no I don't need or want any help'

Gibbs followed her never the less.

'what are you doing'

' well I need to show you were your stuff is and I think a towel would come in handy. If you are not out within the hour I will be coming in to retrieve you'

' I am taking a shower I won't be going on a mission anytime soon you know' Her voice was still awfully soft but the willpower shined through.

Gibbs smiled, there was his Ziver. He was about to leave her to it when he turned around and asked.

'what's with your voice'

'they damaged my larynx, it will be alright but it needs time. So shouting at you won't be a good idea just right now'

Gibbs smiled 'why would you be shouting at me'

Ziva turned around and while she was entering the bathroom muttered 'cause I can tell you're going to be a lot worse than any doctor I've been with so far'

Gibbs grinned and walked away to work on his boat 'you ain't seen nothing yet'

She had some time left when she emerged from the bathroom. The shower had done her good, she smelled like…well like herself again. Her own shampoo,her own perfume, her own lotion it just felt good. She carefully made her way to the basement but the times where she would sneak up on someone where long gone.

'feeling better'

'yes, thank you. Oh my god, I haven't died you know'

'what do you mean' Gibbs really didn't know what the hell she was talking about. He was definitely going to get used to having a woman around the house again.

'you made a boat with my name on it. You only do that for all the woman in your life who have died. Shannon, Kelly, Caitlin, Jenny and now me. That's not right, you have to give it another name. I have no intention of dying anytime soon. You haven't given up on me, have you'

Gibbs looked at his boat. She was right, he should give it another name. She had come back from the dead. He looked up at Ziva and saw a face in pain. Gibbs quickly came running up the remaining stairs. 'what's wrong'

'too much stairs, have to sit for a while before I can make it back'

When Gibbs wanted to pick her up, she gave him a look that could have killed him right then and there. 'don't you dare' She slowly began to move up the stairs again but stopped after 3 steps. 'Oke, this is going to be a problem, you can carry me out of the basement if you still want to'

Gibbs said nothing in order not to put her through more embarrassment than she was feeling right now. He knew it would have taken her a lot to admit defeat.

'What do you want for breakfast' Gibbs put her down in his kitchen and started to make breakfast.

'I can choose'

'Yup'

'pancakes…and lot's of them with maple syrup on top' Ziva swallowed hard at the thought of the pancakes that were going to be on her plate very soon. Gibbs looked at Ziva while she ate and boy did she ate. He was amazed at the amount she was gobbling down, no shoveling down would be a more accurate word to describe what he saw her do. This was not looking good, she cannot eat that much. He knew from experience that after all that hospital food her stomach wouldn't be able to deal with this kind of abuse, but he also knew eating this kind of food was heaven at least for a while.

'Ducky is coming over this morning to give you a check up and to talk about physiotherapy with you.'

Ziva just nodded. All of a sudden she turned as white as a sheet and motioned for Gibbs to move aside. The pancakes she just ate came out the same way, thank god she made it to the sink. Gibbs sighed.

'great, first not being able to go up a view lousy stairs and now this' She cleaned herself up and the sink. Her body was beginning to hurt like hell, the vomiting didn't help. Gibbs saw she was in pain and gave her some medication that would take the edge of. Neither one of them spoke.

'I think I am going to lie down for a little bit if that is alright with you' Gibbs just nodded, he made no comment about her weaken state.

Ziva just bearly made it to her bed, she was grateful for the fact she could use the overhanging sling in order to hoist herself onto to bed without asking for any help. She was disappointed with herself, she was only up…for what….two hours and she was already feeling exhausted. Her whole body ached, she had a headache and to top it off her left eye was watering up so that meant wearing that goddamm patch for the rest of the day.

Ducky arrived about an hour after Ziva had gone for a rest.

'how is she Jethro'

' not doing good, duck, not doing good. She showered, came to visit me in the basement. She couldn't make it back up the stairs so I had to carry her back up. She had some breakfast, gave back the breakfast and went to bed.'

'oh dear. Do you think she is awake.'

' why don't you go and see for yourself, she's down the hall in her room'

'her room ?' Ducky smiled at the thought how fast Gibbs had made it her room. When Ducky entered the room he saw Ziva fast asleep and it gave him a good change to take a good look at her without her knowing. Her hair cut off, on her left eye she was wearing a patch and her left leg was still supported by a brace. Her wrists bore the scars of her capture and since she wasn't wearing a shirt with long sleeves he could see the scars of the torture she went through on her arms. He walked back to the kitchen where he poured himself a good cup of tea. He was going to do this, he could do this, this wasn't like back in the days. He wasn't the one anymore who had looked the other way, he could help her. Ducky took a view deep breaths and poured himself and Ziva a cup of tea. He knew she always loved having tea with him. He placed the tea cup on the table so she could reach it and started to gently wake her up. Ziva woke up to see Ducky sitting next to her, he handed her a cup of tea and they both enjoyed it in silence. Ducky remembered the good old days when she would come down to the morgue and they would do this without even uttering a word to each other. He sighed, he needed to get on with the matter at hand.

'welcome back my dear'

'thanks Ducky, it's good to be back.'

'Now we're going to go over you recovery plan, we want you up and running as soon as possible. Abby needs some support to keep the guys in line'

The rest of the afternoon was spend talking and planning all aspects of her road to a full recovery. Ducky didn't once ask her about her ordeal. He figured if she wanted to tell her story she would do so in her own time.

**Author's Note**

Ducky remembered his days like he did in the episode Broken Bird. He kept a prisoner alive so he would get through one more day of torture. Please forgive me if I do not get all the idioms correct, sometimes like Ziva on the show I am like 'what's the difference' she got her point across. LOL


	4. Chapter 4

**Healing**

**Chapter 4 Nightmares**

After spending the entire afternoon talking to Ducky Ziva felt utterly exhausted, but her hunger drove her to the kitchen once more. She decided to go for soup which she thought was a better idea than the pancakes this morning. Gibbs had gone to work that afternoon and when Ducky had left she realized that for the first time in months she was alone. After she had eaten her soup she decided that it would be nice to try out that wooden bed on the porch. Gibbs had told her that when she laid down some cushions it could be very nice. After several trips in and out of the house in order to get all the cushions she wanted she was ready to collapse but the thought of sitting on the porch kept her going. Finally….and then it started to rain. Ziva looked up and carefully walked out onto the grass and just loved the feeling of raindrops on her face. She spread her arms so she could fully enjoy the raindrops on her skin. She stood there for what seemed like ages, she got soaking wet but loved every minute of it. She held her face up towards the sky and felt the rain on her face, something so simple and yet so beautiful. It felt like eating the pancakes without this morning's end result. She chuckled. She didn't seem to notice the car that had stopped just across the street from her.

Tony just watched her. He knew he wasn't supposed to be here. Gibbs had told the team not to come to his house just yet. Ziva wouldn't be able to cope right now. She would tell him if she wanted to see anyone of the team. Tony couldn't resist he had to see her, he had to see for himself she was still alive. He had to see she was still his Ziva but he could tell the old Ziva was gone and was replaced by a woman he didn't know. The old Ziva would never have stood in the rain for that long just because she could. The old Ziva was a no-nonsense woman but this Ziva …Tony promised himself, he sure as hell was going to get to know the new Ziva but he would get to know her on her terms, when she was ready. He wanted so desperately to touch her, to hold her, to feel her skin against his. He wanted to make her demons go away, he would fight them off just for her. He would have walked through hell, spit the devil in his face and walk back if she asked him to, but for now he would just wait. Yes, he could do that. He could wait and with that self regained insight he drove off.

When Gibbs got home that evening he saw a note on the fridge. Your diner is inside, just needs a view minutes in the microwave. He smiled, she cooked for him that was a good sign. He knew she was a good cook and just like expected the meal was delicious. He went down to the basement in order to get some work done on his boat when he heard sounds coming from Ziva's room. He was just about to knock on her door when he heard her scream. Screw decorum, he opened her door and was greeted at the sight of Ziva fighting with her sheets. She was having a nightmare, a bad one at the look of it. He tried to calm her down but was rewarded with a fist against the right side of his face but he held on. 'Ssssshhh Ziver, your safe. It's me Gibbs. You're in a safe place. There you go, calm down. Let go, it's allright. Shhhhhhhhhh It's oke' Gibbs felt her slowly relax against his chest, both of his arms were around her, holding her gently as if he was holding a tiny little newborn baby. He rocked her back and forth until she completely calmed down. She still wasn't awake but had fallen back into a peaceful slumber, when Gibbs tried to get up he noticed she was holding his hand in a iron like grip as if he was her anchor.

The next morning when Ziva woke up she found Gibbs asleep in one of the chairs next to her bed. The right side off his face supporting a bruise. She swallowed. Oh no, not again, she must have hit him during one of her nightmares. It had happened before during her hospital time back home in Israel. After a while the staff down there knew not to try and wake her up during one of her nightmares. She gave him a little shove.

'I am so sorry. Next time just let me be and don't try and wake me up. It will be alright, you'll get hurt.' Gibbs just growled. 'Not gonna happen' The subject wasn't brought up again during the rest of the morning. Gibbs brought her to the physiotherapist and told her to call at the end of the session so he could take her home again.

At the end of the morning when Ziva was done with her program she called Gibbs but got Abby on the line instead.

'ZIVA !!!!!!!!!!!……………………………….well ahum hi !' Abby didn't know what to say.

'Abby, you still there' Ziva wasn't sure.

'why are you whispering' Abby whispered back.

'my voice is like that, Abby. I cannot speak any louder at least not for a while.'

'then why am I whispering'

'I don't know why'

'Ziva…..can …..I come over, I really want to see you. I missed you so much.' Abby was in tears. She wanted to see her friend so badly.

Ziva sighed, she had missed Abby as well. She had missed her happy-go- lucky outlook on the world. Abby knew all too well that the world could be a cruel place sometimes but she choose to look at it from a different angle, a more Abby like angle.

' I'll ask Gibbs if it's alright if you can come over and visit this afternoon but don't be early. I've got some other stuff to do' Ziva didn't want to explain to Abby that she was so tired of these exercises that she was about to collapse. Ziva was only thinking of one thing. Please tell Gibbs to get me out of here. Abby was jumping for joy, which was difficult considering the boots she was wearing.

'how about four o'clock, does that sound good'

'Abby could you tell Gibbs to pick me up'

'Yeah, sure thing. See you at four.'

Abby ran upstairs and found Gibbs sitting at his desk. 'you want good news or the even better news'

Gibbs looked up and saw a Abby who was absolutely jumping for joy.

'Well, let's start with the good news and we'll work our way up from there' Gibbs folded his arms and waited for Abby to start.

'your phone is once again saved from the jaws of dead, here you go. I don't think I will be able to save it next time you do something to it. The even better news is that I spoke to Ziva who by the way called to ask if you could come and pick her up.' Gibbs grabbed his phone and started walking towards the elevator. 'She also asked if I could come and visit her this afternoon, she asked if I could see her around four if that is alright with you' Gibbs turned around. 'she doesn't have to ask my permission to see anyone, she can do that whenever she want. She is a grown woman'

'so it's alright then, tell her I'll be there around four' Abby was telling this to a already closed elevator.

' Why does he always let me talk to thin air. I might as well start talking to myself makes more sense.' Abby turned around to see McGee looking funny at her.

'what'

'who are you talking to'

'Gibbs'

'he is not here'

'yes, he was, he left to pick up Ziva. I am going back to my lab cause I've got work to do if I want to leave early.'

' you're leaving early. Why'

' I am going to visit Ziva'

McGee looked at Abby with big eyes.

'you are'

'yes, we spoke on the phone and she asked me to' Abby turned around quickly not wanting to admit she more or less forced herself upon Ziva.

**TBC….**

**Next Abby's visit.**


	5. Chapter 5

First of all Jools thank you for beta reading this piece. It's much 'smoother' now. Together we can make it better. I wanted the meeting between abby and ziva to be civil without Abby bouncing up and down. Abby can be a bit much but she can also be a true friend. I hope it comes across in this chapter.

**Healing part 5**

**Abby's visit**

Gibbs drove to the facility where he had dropped of Ziva in the morning. She was sitting in the sun in front of the main gate. It looked like she was sleeping but he saw her eyes open the moment he stopped the car in front of her. He saw the sweat running down either side of her face. She looked pale with exhaustion.

"You're ok?"

"No, I really want to go home and shower. Let's just go."

She wanted to get up but couldn't. Once again her left leg was not about to cooperate with her. She felt the pain shooting upwards en tears began to well up. She fell backwards before Gibbs could catch her.

"Gibbs, my leg."

Gibbs stood by her side but could do nothing, afraid he might even make things worse if he did try to attempt anything. He decided to go inside and find someone who could make it better. Ziva saw that he had come out with the same doctor who had monitored Ziva's vital signs just before training this morning. The doctor went straight to work. He massaged the cramp out of her left leg. Ziva just cried silently, hating the fact that Gibb's had to witness all of this. She hated being this weak, right now she hated her life. She waited until the doctor had left and then smashed her cane on the ground until it broke into two pieces.

"Did that make you feel better?"

"Yes, got a problem with it?"

"Nope, but now you don't have a cane."

"I'll buy a new one."

They drove silently to Gibbs' house. Arriving at his house he opened the car door and just lifted Ziva out of the car before she could even say no. He carried her into the bathroom, left and came back with a towel, clothes and some other stuff for her. Ziva didn't think it could get any more embarrassing than it already was when she saw he also had given her clean underwear.

"Just great," she muttered.

After the shower she felt a like another woman. Gibbs had made her something to eat and they ate in silence at the kitchen table. Gibbs started to clear the table and to clean the dishes.

"I heard Abby is coming over today."

"She told you?"

"Yes."

"I said she could come over if that is alright with you."

Gibbs turned around. "Ziva, you don't have to ask my permission to invite someone. You are anadult woman who knows right from wrong. So next time don't ask me for my permission. If I don't agree with something I'll let you know, trust me on that."

Ziva nodded. "I better go get some sleep before the energizer bunny gets here."

Gibbs smiled and while Ziva was asleep he called Abby. He told her to get Ziva a new cane since the other one was 'lost'. Abby was more than happy to pick up a new cane, that way she had something nice to give to Ziva. A little after four Abby arrived. At work Gibbs had given her the house key so she didn't have to get Ziva to open the front door for her. He had told her that the room down the hall on the ground floor was Ziva's and that it could be possible that she was still asleep. He knew that Ziva was more exhausted than she cared to admit from this morning's session. Abby quickly found Ziva's room and opened the door. Gibbs was right, Ziva was still fast asleep. Abby turned around and got herself something to drink. She was interrupted by Ziva who had woken up from the noise that Abby had made. The two women stood there looking rather awkwardly at each other when Abby walked over. Without saying a word she carefully hugged Ziva.

"I missed you so much."

Abby could feel the tension mount in Ziva's body when she hugged her. She quickly let go, thinking she might have accidently hurt Ziva.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Ziva shook her head. "No." she whispered.

Abby chuckled. "I kinda like you voice, sounds awful sexy, it's a deep husky voice."

Ziva gave her a strange look. WhenAbby saw this she quickly changed the subject. She didn't want Ziva to think she liked this voice better than the one she had before she got… Stupid, stupid… oh shit.

"What I mean is, I mean it's not so bad… I mean… Ah hell I am sorry Ziva , I didn't mean to…"

Ziva waved it off. "It's alright Abby, don't worry about it."

In order for the mood to lighten up again Abby brought out the newly bought cane. It was neatly wrapped up.

"Gibbs told me you had lost your cane at the airport so I got you a new one."

Abby gave Ziva the wrapped present and watched Ziva take it out of the paper it was in. The cane was a rather expensive one. Abby had taken great care in finding just the right one for Ziva. It had a beautiful stone at the top and it was engraved with the her name _'ZIVA'_.

"I told them it was for a really good friend of mine, a genuine hero."

Ziva was taken aback by Abby's statement. "I am not a hero, I got caught, that doesn't make me a hero."

Abby could barely hear Ziva's voice. Ziva didn't know how to react. She still wasn't too comfortable with touching people just yet. But Abby didn't seem to be too bothered by it, maybe Abby knew she wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy.

"You wanna go sit outside?" Ziva made a gesture towards the porch.

"Yeah sure."

Abby grabbed some pillows and so did Ziva. Abby saw the way Ziva made good use of her new cane and was pleased with the result of her present. After Abby had poured them both a good cup of tea they started talking. Abby filled Ziva in on all the latest gossip at NCIS headquarters. Ziva smiled genuinely. It wasn't a smile for the outside world to make a good appearance, but it was a smile that came from the heart. How she had missed this kind of small talk with Abby. The two women talked for what seemed like hours and when Abby saw Ziva yawn she knew that it was time to head back to NCIS.

"You know what, I still have some work to do back at the lab, so I am going to leave you."

Ziva got up and walked Abby over to her car. "Abby…"

Abby turned around. "Ziva, I know you don't like me hugging you right now but I am going to give you one anyway."

Abby very carefully engulfed Ziva in a bear hug when all of a sudden she felt two arms returning the gesture. Abby smiled. A small victory for Abby and a huge one for Ziva.

"Don't ever leave me like that again Ziva. I can't bear to lose another friend like you have been."

"I won't Abby, I won't."

Abby and Ziva had renewed their friendship, one that started on quicksand with the dead of Special Agent Kate Todd, but their friendship had moved to solid ground and it would grow from there.

**TBC……**


	6. Chapter 6

It's McGee turn. He is a little naïve sometimes but has grown a lot since the beginning, so I figured he could handle this. I also have to thank all those of you who took the time to review, it's much appreciated. Once again Jools thank you for beta reading this.

**Healing**

**Chapter 6**

**McGee's Reality check**

When Gibbs got home he found Ziva in front of the TV. She had fallen asleep. He carefully lifted her up and brought her to her room. During the night he heard her screaming and once again Gibbs calmed her down and sat with her until daybreak. She held his hand all through the night. He decided to leave the room before she woke up so she wouldn't know he stayed with her during the night.

On their ride to the rehabilitation centre Ziva asked him if it was alright if they went to a bookstore to get her something to read while she was at home.

"That's why you wanted to leave so early"

"yes, don't get me wrong but you have absolutely nothing good to read at your house. The only things that I could find were magazines on boats en several sniper magazines. I am hoping they got some good books in Hebrew and if not maybe they can order them for me. I would do that myself but since you have no internet at your house they'll have to do it for me"

Gibbs nodded, getting an idea. At the store Ziva had gotten several books and had some others ordered. Gibbs dropped her off at the centre and went straight to Abby's lab when he arrived at NCIS.

"Abs, you are going to help me buy Ziva one of those things." Gibbs pointed towards a laptop.

"I am ?" Abby asked with large eyes.

'Yes, you are."

"ahhh welcome in the 21st century Gibbs. I am so proud of you. When do you wanna go"

"How about right now. Tony and McGee can hold the fort for now."

Abby took Gibbs to a computer store not too far from the Navy Yard. Gibbs thought it was a pretty good idea bringing Abby along because the moment the salesperson began to speak about speed, memory and hard-drives, he was like a little kid lost in the woods. He knew and knows absolutely nothing about computers. He knows where the on and off button is and he can read his mail, but beyond that it was all a mystery to him. Every now and then McGee tried to teach him something but none of it stuck. Well it was more like it he didn't want it to stick.

On the way back Abby babbled about what a great buy they had done, Ziva was going to be over the moon with this laptop. Gibbs was grinning. Yeah this was a great idea. Both of them had forgotten one thing. Gibbs' house wasn't ready for the 21st century.

Gibbs picked Ziva up and drove too their house. He thought how easy it had become _their_ house instead of _his_ house. Ziva was able to walk to the house on her own this time although he could tell it was a difficult task but he knew better than to convince her to let him carry her to the house.

While Ziva was in the shower he unpacked the laptop and placed it on the table in her room.

"what is that laptop doing in my room" She asked when she got out of the shower.

"It's yours, so you can do …..well whatever it is that you do with it"

"I cannot do anything with it since you don't have an internet connection"

"Well then how did McGee get it to work down in my basement back then"

" I don't know, the only thing I remember is that I had to climb on the boat with a mobile phone in order to get a good reception and I don't see me doing that any time soon." Ziva laughed.

Gibbs and technology weren't the best combination. Gibbs heard her laugh all the way back to her room, he smiled at least he got her to laugh and she wasn't doing that very much lately.

"I could ask McGee to come over and do his thing so it will work"

Ziva shook her head " Not right now if that is alright with you, maybe next week when I am more adjusted to the routine of the morning exercises"

Later that week when Gibbs was at work his cell phone rang.

He barked "Gibbs"

"Gibbs, I need you, something is wrong…" A very soft en tired sounding Ziva was at the phone.

"Ziva what is wrong, Ziva" Gibbs could hear vomiting sounds over the phone. Silence. Ziva didn't answer him back. "McGee go get Ducky and tell him to meet me in the car park, tell him to hurry, something is wrong with Ziva" Gibbs looked at Tony and he felt his heart break but Ziva wouldn't want him to see her like that. "You……..stay" Tony nodded, he understood. He didn't like it but he understood.

McGee quickly got Ducky and both of them were joined by Gibbs in the parking lot. The trip to his house was short and very fast. He was breaking every traffic rule in order to get to his house as fast as possible.

He burst into his house and went straight to Ziva's room. She was nowhere to be found, but then he heard some noises coming out of the bathroom. He found Ziva hanging over the toilet holding on to it for dear life, she looked horrible, sweat was running down her face, her shirt was soaked in sweat and she was crying. He grabbed a washcloth and wanted to give her an opportunity to clean herself but she couldn't even grab the cloth anymore that's how weak she was. He decided to clean her face instead. Meanwhile Ducky had arrived

"Oh dear" The doctor sighed. "What happened"

She didn't answer but slowly let go of the toilet and fell backwards, she was breathing heavily.

Her hands came up to her face as she began to sob uncontrollably. She started to talk in Hebrew so none of the men understood what she was saying. All three men were blown away by such a display of raw emotion. Ducky was the first to regain his wits.

He took her face in his hands.

"Ziva look at me, English my dear you have to speak English"

"Pain"

"Where"

"Everywhere"

Ducky turned around to face McGee who didn't know where to look, he felt so helpless. Never in a million years would he have thought to see Ziva like this. Tears were running down his face.

"McGee call the doctor at the centre she works out at. The number is near the phone on her table by the window"

Ducky was all business. Calm, cool and collected. He was in charge.

McGee turned around and started to search for the number. After a few seconds he found it and called the centre. He told the doctor what had happened. In return he was told by the doctor that he would be there in a few minutes. Meanwhile Ducky gave Ziva a small amount of sedative in order for her to relax and take the pain away. After a couple of seconds Gibbs and Ducky could see the sedative had taken affect.

"Ok, you can lift her up now and take her to her bed" Ducky told him.

Gibbs lifted Ziva up, she went completely limb in his arms. He carefully placed her on her bed and let Ducky do his work.

Gibbs turned around and stared at McGee.

"Come on, let's give them some privacy."

He took McGee to the kitchen and poured him some coffee.

McGee was visibly shaken by what he had seen. He tried to hide it but he couldn't. Gibbs threw his arm around McGee

"Tim, it's ok you know, when one of your best friends is in so much pain you are allowed to cry, but I will not tolerate you crying in front of her. She doesn't need that right now. She would hate it if she sees you crying for her"

McGee nodded, he knew Gibbs was right. At that moment the doorbell rang, when Gibbs opened up he quickly took the doctor too Ziva's room after that he went back to see how McGee was doing. McGee was admiring the laptop Gibbs had gotten for Ziva.

"You picked out a nice one, she'll be able to do a lot with it"

"apparently not, according to her I don't even have a what you might call it, connection"

McGee looked up at Gibbs. " I can take care of that, wouldn't take long, she could use it this afternoon if she wants`

Gibbs thought about it, maybe it would be a good idea for McGee to do something, it would take his mind of the fact that he had seen Ziva the way that he did.

While the two doctors attended to Ziva McGee worked on the laptop. He had to run out to a store nearby and had gotten everything he needed. It didn't take him long to have everything up and running. Gibbs' house was ready for the 21st century, who would have thought…. Gibbs having internet in his house. McGee chuckled.

McGee noticed that Ducky and Ziva's Doctor had come out of her room, both Gibbs and McGee wanted to know what had happened.

"I told her this week she was taking it to fast, that her body was going to react to her vigorous workouts. I am sorry that it happened like this. She might even have bruised her ribs during the vomiting. She needs to stay in bed for at least a week. I don't want to see her at the centre right now. I'll check on her again next week before I make a decision if she can start again or not."

He gave Ducky a bottle with pills.

" If she has trouble breathing because of her ribs or if she is in pain you can give her these"

Ducky escorted the doctor out. When he got back he found Gibbs in the kitchen making something to eat for all of them.

"she's going to be alright isn't she" McGee wanted to know.

Ducky nodded "she will Timothy, she will just as long as she doesn't push it like that again. We need to keep a close eye on her. We need to force her to take longer resting periods."

McGee carefully walked into Ziva's room and placed her laptop on her desk.

"McGee" a soft voice called out to him. McGee looked at Ziva and he nearly started to cry again, but he swallowed and remembered what Gibbs had told him. She doesn't need that right now.

"Hey, how are you"

"Could you give me that glass of water, I am thirsty"

" Yeah sure, hold on"

When he saw she had trouble holding on to the glass he took it from her. He gently brought it to her lips, holding her head so she could swallow the water with much more ease.

"thanks" Her head fell back into the pillow. Exhausted. Her hand on McGee's, he stared at it. It was so tiny and covered with scars. He swallowed, not now.

" I've ….I've hooked you up. The laptop can now be used to go on the net…if you want."

McGee could tell he wasn't really getting through to her. He gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

"sleep tight, love you"

When he closed the door behind him tears were falling down.

**TBC………..**


	7. Chapter 7

This is Tony's chapter. I had some trouble writing it. I wanted to keep Tony in character but it also had to deal with his betrayal. He apparently didn't trust her enough to deal with the situation on her own or why else would he be snooping around her stuff. But it also had to deal with the fact that Ziva made a mistake siding with the wrong kind of people. (even though one of them is her father)She should have known better by now. Anyway that's my opinion. You can have one all on your own.

**Healing**

**Chapter 7**

**Tony's war **

McGee and Ducky arrived back at NCIS. Abby and Tony were waiting for them in her lab, when McGee got in he went straight down to see Abby, he needed a hug. He didn't expected to see Tony down there.

"Abby?"

She turned around and could tell McGee needed her to hug him. He looked so lost. Silently she hugged him, he cried.

"There wasn't anything I could do, I didn't know what to do or say. She was having so much pain Abs and I just stood there and didn't do anything. I just froze"

Ducky had entered the lab and patted McGee on the shoulder.

"You did everything right Timothy, there wasn't much else you could do. Her body just told her it was too much. Unfortunately her body chose a rather painful way of letting her know."

Tony couldn't take it anymore. He changed clothes and went to the Gym. He gave the probie who was practicing with a punching bag a deathly stare and got the room to himself. All of his anger, rage, frustration and his own pain and sorrow came out. The bag didn't stand a change. It only took Tony an hour to completely rip it to pieces.

From a corner at the gym Gibbs looked at the way Tony was trying to find a way to redeem himself by punching the living daylights out of that bag.

"Maybe you should take the initiative and show her how you feel"

"what" Tony's breath had become ragged. He was worn out from hitting that bag. "Rule 12"

Gibbs was already on his way out when he returned and smacked Tony on the head.

"Screw rule 12. It's a rule not a law. She needs you even if she doesn't know it yet."

Tony fell to his knees, already defeated when he thought of her reaction would be. "She doesn't want me there"

"Maybe she thinks she doesn't want you there but you know what she needs you there. She needs you to be there for her. When you get there and she yells at you, YOU STAY. When she tells you to leave, YOU STAY. When she pushes you away YOU STAY**.** When she tries to ignore you, YOU STAY, and when she screams in the night because she is having one of her nightmares YOU STAY. Do you get that DiNozzo" Gibbs was yelling at him every time he said the words you stay.

"You let her know that no matter what she does to you ..YOU WILL STAY"

"Why" Tony whispered but he already knew the answer to that question.

" BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER, YOU IDIOT" Gibbs turned around and left the gym with big angry steps.

Tony was slowly walking towards the showers. Gibbs' words kept ringing through his head. Show her you will stay no matter what. Show her that your love for her is there to stay.

Back in the bullpen he confronted Gibbs. "what would you have me do, I can't just walk in there and say, here I am and I am not going away"

"Nope and you are not going to do that, but….." Gibbs gave Tony the outlines of his plan.

Later that day when Gibbs returned to his house he found Ziva sitting in her chair near the window. She looked like hell. She was staring into the night. The pain evident on her face.

"Hey" Gibbs softly said.

She never turned around when she started speaking to him. She just kept staring out the window.

"Did you know that one of the guards would come into my cell every single morning with an unloaded gun. He used to load it in front of me with one single bullet and would say to me, do you think it will be a good day to die.?... He would place it against the front of my head and click…..nothing. I always wondered when would it be over… when would He take pity on me. After a while I just wished for it go off….. I prayed to God that he would take mercy on me, but he never did. He never did and after a while I just stopped praying because it didn't seem to help much anyway.

I died, Gibbs…. ..but my body forgot to die with me…. " A single tear ran down Ziva's face.

Gibbs fell silent. He knew a lot of stuff about a lot of things but this he knew nothing about. He didn't know how to comfort her, he didn't know how to reach her, for once he didn't know how to make things right.

During the week Ziva seemed to regain back part of her strength, but Gibbs got worried. She became more and more silent. She looked defeated. The nightmares had gotten worse, he didn't know what to do about them anymore. Ziva didn't even seem to notice it anymore when he tried to calm her. They became more violent each night. His heart ached for her. The doctor came by and told her that she could resume training twice a week, if she did anything more he would shut her down immediately. She was no longer in control and little did they know that that was the main issue for Ziva. During her captivity she wasn't in control and now they had taken it away from her again, she felt empty. Her body had betrayed her and now Gibbs and the others were doing it as well.

On Monday morning when Ziva got ready for her practice she noticed that the house was empty. Where had Gibbs gone, he wouldn't have forgotten her now would he. She entered the kitchen and saw a piece of paper sticking on the fridge. _Couldn't make it, found someone else to take you. Be ready at 09.00._ She sighed, he had probably gotten McGee to take her.

While she was making herself breakfast Tony was sitting in front of Gibbs' house. He looked at his hands when did they become this sweaty ? He could do this, he got out of the car but his legs refused to walk. He just stood there. What if she threw him out? YOU STAY…! what if she yelled at him YOU STAY…! what if she -heaven forbid- tried to kill him YOU LET HER…! Gibbs' words rang through his head. Ok, the last one he didn't actually say but Tony could imaging him saying it.

Somehow he had made it through the front door and with uncertain steps he walked into the kitchen. She didn't hear him coming, he could see that every move she made caused her pain. Her back was turned when he finally found the courage.

"Hey Sweetcheeks" He said softly.

She immediately stiffened. Her soft voice was so incredible sexy according to Tony but the words were said with a venom he couldn't even begin to describe.

"Get the hell out"

She turned and the next thing Tony knew a knife was sticking in the doorpost next to his head. He swallowed. Oh, crap he thought.

" I may not be able to kill you with my bare hands right now but I can do a lot of damage with other things beside my hands"

"You're still angry. I did what I did to protect you. He was using you, you were being used to spy on NCIS by him and your lousy excuse for a father. A father who sent you on a mission he very well knew was going to be a suicide mission."

"Shut up"

Ziva knew he was right, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear it out loud that her father had betrayed her in the way that he had done. Hell, when she was taken she had plenty of time to figure it all out. She had doubts from the beginning but couldn't believe her father, her own father would do that to his only remaining living child. What kind of sick mind would do such a thing practically giving his own daughter a dead sentence.

Tony stood there, realizing she knew. She had know all along. "why….. if you knew why"

"He is my father and I love him. I knew he had send Michael over to check on me, to see if he still could control me. I was Michael's control officer when he took out that sleeper cell. During the months he was undercover I noticed his drinking had gotten worse, but I chose not to intervene and that was a mistake."

"You loved him" Tony almost didn't want to ask but he had to know.

"No I didn't, I thought I did, but I didn't……. The night you shot him I told Mossad I wanted him removed but by the time I'd gotten home you already ….had taken care of that. When we were in Israel he demanded 'Aliyah' from me"

"Aliyah"

"To finish the job and to return to him, to listen only to him. I couldn't refuse him, I can never refuse my father anything, so I asked the impossible from Gibbs I told him to pick me instead of you. I knew he would never do that, so that gave me a reason to stay. That way I could convince myself that NCIS abandoned me at the moment I needed all of you the most"

Ziva tried to walk out of the kitchen with all the grace she could muster but not having her cane with her prevented that from happening. She stumbled. Tony reached for her.

"get your hands of me"

Ziva slapped his hands away from her but that movement had the result that she had to cling to the table for support. Her left leg was hurting like hell.

"Damn it! " She yelled. " Leave me alone, get out of here" For the first time she was actually screaming out loud, while she had been screaming on the inside for so long. This time her vocal chords matched her inner voice. She sat down at the kitchen table holding her head in her hands.

"Just leave me alone, I want to be left alone" She whispered.

Tony said nothing. He just remained silent but didn't leave. He walked over to the kitchen counter and simply finished what she started, when he was done he set down the breakfast in front of her and took a seat opposite from her.

"You should eat something"

Ziva simply replied by throwing the plate against the wall.

" I eat when I want to eat not because you tell me to"

Tony knew from that moment on it was war. She was testing him whether she knew it or not. He was her punching bag.

**Author's Note**

Tony deserves at least two chapters. evil grin


	8. Chapter 8

Well, here is chapter 2 of the Tony saga. I think I got it right, well at least according to jools who has beta read it. Thanks again Jools. Enjoy. I think I will be needing another two chapters to wrap this story up. Reviews are always welcome.

**Healing**

**Chapter 8**

**Tony's war part II**

Tony took a deep breath. He knew this was going to be tough.

"Ok don't eat if you don't want. You are going to regret it when you are at the centre"

" I am not going to the centre."

" I'm taken you"

"No you are not. I will call the centre and tell them I will be coming in tomorrow instead of today. Gibbs will be back by then."

" No he is not, he made it very clear that from now on I am going to be the one who will be taking you to and from the centre, so if you want to go you better get ready."

Ziva stared at him. She got up and slowly made her way to her room. She collected her clothes and stood waiting for him at the front door. The entire ride she didn't speak. She managed to get out of the car before he could properly help her. She ignored his helping hand. He stayed………..

"I'll be ready at 11.30 am"

" I know, I'm not going anywhere"

" You sure as hell are not going to watch me do my exercises. I don't want you there."

Her words had hurt him, but he stayed…….. He silently followed her to the gym. He sat down in a corner and watched. He watched how she struggled with the exercises. At the end of the morning he could see it had worn her out. She was favouring her right leg more and more. She couldn't do the last exercises anymore because of sheer exhausting and that – he could tell- was frustrating the hell out of her. A bunch of Hebrew words came out of her mouth that he didn't understand and maybe that was a good thing because he couldn't imagine them being very lady like.

Ziva thought that if she kept ignoring him, he would leave …eventually….but he didn't. That.. she thought.. was very unlike the Tony she had come to know. She was grateful when they finally made it back to the house. She got ready for the shower but she was too tired to even see straight. She sank onto the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

"hey Ziva are you done showering yet"

Tony carefully knocked on her door but when he didn't hear anything, not even a growl, he decided to walk in. He saw that Ziva had fallen asleep on the bed with everything on, she hadn't even showered at all. He was finally granted enough time and space to take a good look at her. She was laying on her stomach with one leg slightly pulled up. Her arms were lying right next to her so the inside of her palms were visible. Her hair was cut but that was already starting to grown back. She had a scar running down her face, it started just above her left eye and ended just below the eye. It followed her eyebrow. She was still very skinny. He could tell they had done something to her hands as well. He could see a burn mark on the inside of her right hand, it looked like the star of David. He felt his blood starting to boil. Her left hand had several scars on the insides as well, they ran from the top of her fingers to the middle of her hand. He knew that must have hurt. Fingers are the limbs with the most nerves on the inside in order for them to feel heat, cold and anything in between. He quickly walked out of the room into the garden and screamed like he had never done before.

Later that afternoon when Ziva had woken up after four hours of uninterrupted sleep she felt a lot better. She showered and moved to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat. She opened the fridge and saw several smoothies from her favorite place on the shelf inside. She stared at them, debating which one to take.

"The one on the far right is your favourite. Mango if I remember it correctly. The guy at the store said they would be ok until at least Wednesday, so you can have one each day "

Tony had entered the kitchen to see if she was doing ok. He had waited in front of the bathroom door while she showered because he was so afraid she would fall in the shower. He had only left the room when he heard the shower being turned off. Thank god, he thought. She's done.

Ziva glared at him " haven't you left yet"

She knew she was hard on him, but she couldn't forgive him….not just yet. He had violated her trust, he didn't trust her enough to handle Michael Rivkin on her own. He had thought she was betraying him and the team. Little did they know that Vance knew all along, he knew that Ziva was Rivkin's control officer. Mossad had asked for his permission in order to get the job done. Mossad wasn't allowed to perform any 'hits' on US soil, but her father had persuaded SecNav to make an exception, for the greater good. She snorted, what her father wouldn't do in order to keep her close to him, to make sure she knew where her loyalties lie.

Everything had gone according to plan but Michael had begun drinking heavily and was starting to make mistakes. The end result being that Gibbs had told him to leave the country, but Michael was used to having things go his way so he had gone to see her instead. He could care less what Gibbs told him. So when he had shown up at her front door she didn't know what to do. He was getting out of control. The last night they spend together she already decided to have him removed from the case, he was a liability. The following day when she had stopped for groceries on her way back from work she had called Hadar and told him to get Rivkin out, but by then it was already to late. Tony had killed him. She still couldn't believe it. She could have prevented it all, she should have trusted her gut instead of her feelings. Yes, they were childhood friends but she should have pulled seniority on him, she should have removed him earlier. That was the burden she had to life with.

Tony saw the conflict in her eyes.

" Why did you shoot him" Ziva went straight for the kill.

" I told you before I had no choice, you weren't there" He chickened out, he couldn't tell her.

"Bullshit, you could have shot him in the shoulder, in the leg. You could have shot him any were but in the chest. I want to know why and don't give me that crappy line you weren't there."

She had moved closer to him and was now a mere inch away from his face.

"Tell me the truth, I think I have earned that"

Tony swallowed " Because I …………love you……….." His words hung in the air. Neither one of them was moving or speaking. He could feel her breathing on his face, she smelled like Jasmine tea. What the hell was he thinking, she was close enough to kill him and all he could think about was the way she smelled. God, he had it bad.

Ziva was the first to move.

"get out of my way"

She walked out of the kitchen towards her room, she shut the door and sat in front of it. She hadn't seen that one coming. He loved her. Yeah right, Tony and loving someone. He had loved Jeanne Benoit but that was because that was safe, she was a mission not someone from 'real life'. She had feelings for Tony but after a while she had given up in getting his attention, oh they flirted but he never really showed any interest in her so she had given up, and now this. What the hell, was he that good in hiding his feelings for her, but why. Why hadn't he told her sooner. She was confused, very confused.

Tony had followed her to her room only to have the door slammed in his face. He leaned against it. Now it was out in the open, she could tear him apart. He had given her his heart and now he had to wait and see what she was going to do with it. Why hadn't he told her sooner, then maybe she would have stayed behind, she wouldn't have been caught and………..he was confused, very confused.

When it was diner time hunger had driven Ziva back to the kitchen. She found Tony there, he had stayed. He was making her favorite pasta dish. He remembered.

"You want some" He asked.

" Yes please"

He gestured that she should sit down at the table. She sat down and got a full plate of her favorite pasta in front of her. When she was finished she looked over to see if Tony had as well. He looked at her with open mouth. "that's not eating that's…well I don't know that was but it ain't eating"

She gave a shy smile. " I threw this morning's breakfast against the wall remember." Tony's world just got a tiny ray of sunlight. She had smiled at him. After all the washing up and getting the last of the stains from the wall she threw her breakfast against she went to the living room and settled down with a good book.

"Is it ok if I watch a movie."

"Sure"

She still wasn't saying much but at least he didn't get a knife thrown at him like this morning. Progress was being made. He noticed about half way through the movie that Ziva had fallen asleep on the chair in an awkward position. Without a thought he went to pick her up in order to get her to her bed where she would be much more comfortable. The moment he touched her was the moment she violently shook and moved her hands and legs up in order to protect her torso and head. She yelled something in Arabic and looked at him with frightened eyes. She realized her mistake and started to relax.

" I was just…." Tony didn't finish his sentence but just picked her up and she didn't protest.

Tony laid her on her bed and excused himself from the room. "sleep tight, see you tomorrow"

He went back to the living room and finished watching the movie. He also caught an re-run of his favorite Magnum episode and it was well past midnight when he went to the guestroom upstairs.

He was half way up stairs when he heard her yelling and screaming. He didn't hesitate and stormed into her room. She was having a violent nightmare, sweat was running down her face and her hands were clenched into the sheets. Just like Gibbs had done before he tried to calm her down. He got hit several times before she woke up, she was petrified.

When she had her bearings again and realized she was in a safe place she relaxed. She looked at Tony who was still worried she might have hurt herself that he didn't even realized blood was running down his face. She gently lifted her hand to his face.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen" Her hand was shaking when she touched his face.

"Don't worry about it" He left her to take a look in the bathroom mirror and winced when he put a cold cloth against his right eye. Well that was going to look ugly in the morning. Tony returned to her room and saw she had calmed down enough for him to leave again, just as he was about to close the door he heard her.

"Stay….Tony please stay"

He walked back into the room and sat next to her.

"I want you to hold me" She whispered.

Without a word Tony got up and climbed into the bed with her. Since he was afraid to touch her, afraid that he might hurt her he didn't move an inch. He just laid there on his side looking at the back of her head. He felt one of her hands reaching out for his and she gently guided the hand over her stomach. It came to a rest on the other side of her. She held his hand and he could feel her breathing deepening. She fell asleep.

The following morning Ziva woke up for the first time with a rested feeling. She noticed she wasn't alone. He had stayed………………

TBC………..


	9. Chapter 9

I'm a slowly wrapping this up. One (maybe two) chapters in order to finish this neatly. Thank you AllesKids of the info on Gibbs' car. I hope you all enjoy. I've used a dutch proverb in this story and I couldn't exactly find out if it's wrong or right the English way. I hope you still understand what I am trying to tell all of you. The proverb is "it's coming out of my ears" meaning I've had enough, it's just too much, I'm fed up, or something along those lines. Anyway have fun with it. LOL

**Healing**

**Part 9**

**In search of Freedom**

In the weeks that followed all the team members could see Ziva getting stronger. She had put on more weight, her hair had grown back some more but something wasn't right.

Something was off, Tony could sense it. Everything the doctors, the team would suggest to her in order to get her well she accepted without a fight. She would just nod en leave it at that. There was no fight left in her. She was an empty shell of what used to be Ziva David.

Bringing and taking her to and from the centre had turned into a routine. The rides were usually a quiet affair. She didn't talk much. At first Tony thought it was because her voice wasn't that well but after a few weeks that had healed and she could keep up a conversation with the best of them. He heard her talk to her aunt Netty every now and then. Not that he was eavesdropping since they spoke to each other in Hebrew but he knew from those conversations that her voice was just fine. Then why the silence he thought.

On Wednesday when he drove her back he stopped the car in the middle of a car-park.

"what is the matter"

"what do you mean" She said not even bothering to look straight at him. She simply continued looking out the window.

"You've been quiet for weeks on end now, WHAT IS WRONG" He took her face in his hands forcing her to look at him.

"Tell me"

" Oh, someone is actually bothering to ask me what I WANT" she had raised her voice but when she continued it was back to a normal volume.

" I will tell you, for weeks now everyone has been taking care of me without asking me what I want. I eat the food you cook for me. I wear the clothes Abby buys me. I listen to the stories Ducky tells me.

I let him examine me whenever he wants to. McGee doesn't even want to talk to me after what happened a few weeks ago, he is afraid I might go nuts and Gibbs well….he has his boat. His stupid boat with my name on it, like I have died. You know what, I don't like the pasta anymore, it is coming out of my ears. The underwear Abby buys itches and sticks in my wounds, and let's not forget everything she buys has a certain theme "

Tony raised his eyebrow. He looked at her and noticed for the first time she was wearing an shirt that Abby could have worn, it had skulls on it. Before he could comment on that she took another deep breath and continued.

" I want McGee to play scrabble with me instead of him 'fixing' the computer so he doesn't have to talk to me. I want to call Ducky up and make an regular appointment instead of him showing up at my doorstep unannounced. Don't get me wrong Tony, I appreciated all of it but I want to live again. I don't want to be lived. They did that for me…. back there. They did it again for me in the hospital back in Tel Aviv and now you are all doing it" She hesitated, not knowing how to tell him she wanted the freedom to do whatever she wants and whenever she wanted.

Tony was stunned " We bought pizza the other day" He muttered**.** He looked guilty. He realized she was right, they have been dictating her every move from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to sleep. Everything was taken care of, she didn't have a say in it. They never even bothered to ask her what she wanted.

"yes..and who's idea was that. Not mine for days now I've wanted a good proper kosher meal."

" Then why didn't you say anything about it"

" I don't want to sound ungrateful, all of you are trying so hard, but it's suffocating me. I want my freedom back. I think I have earned that right. I fought so hard to keep it."

Tony started the car. He looked at her.

" Ok, what do YOU WANT to do right now" He looked at her. She sighed, did she get through to him?

" I want to go home, shower and order kosher food for lunch. I've found one on the internet that delivers. Then I want walk to the nearest supermarket and buy me the biggest piece of chocolate I can find"

"You go wild, sweetcheaks"

Ziva smiled.

"Yes, I do, don't I."

That afternoon Tony let Ziva walk to the supermarket on her own, or so she thought. He followed her to see if she did make it in one peace.

"Hello Tony" Ziva had caught him in the act. She had known the moment she walked out of the door that he would follow her and now he was caught red-handed.

"ahum, I was just………..well I. I was just on my way to buy some groceries, really …" Tony threw his hands in the air. "you caught me, I just wanted to see if you could make it"

Ziva grinned at him, her first actual grin meant just for him. His heart skipped a beat.

"well now that you are here, you might as well make yourself use full, I think I went a little over the railing"

"Overboard, you went overboard" He took the bags from her.

Ziva looked at him "The result is the same, you are no longer on board. Hey, wait a minute."

She walked after him and gestured he better put the bag down. She picked it up again and rummaged through it.  
"There it is"

She had a large piece of chocolate in her hands. She walked over to the nearest bench, sat down ripped the paper from the bar and sunk her teeth into the chocolate.

Tony heard her mumbling in Hebrew. She had her eyes closed. Did she know she was turning him on eating like that.

"what about me, don't I deserve a piece of that"

He sat down next to her, she broke of a piece and slipped into his mouth before he could object. She licked her own fingers off since she didn't want to waste one little bit. He couldn't take it any longer, he leaned in and tried to give her a kiss. She jerked away. "Don't"

She got up and started to walk and before he realized it she was already half way through the car-park.  
" I didn't mean to scare you……..I just thought…you looked so beautiful. Eating the chocolate and all"

She didn't answer him, she just kept walking. If Tony could he would have given himself a head slap, but since he couldn't he resorted to cursing at himself.

"too soon, too soon you idiot. How stupid can you be arghhh" He ran after her with the grocery bags still in his hands.

"wait up" She didn't.

The rest of the afternoon Ziva avoided Tony. She was clearly upset by what had happened that afternoon. During dinner Gibbs felt the tension in the room, he wondered what had happened between the two that day. While Gibbs was working on his boat he could sense Ziva walking into the basement.

"Hey"

"Hey" She sat down on one of the staircases and supported her head with her hands.

"He tried to kiss me"

"Who"

"Tony off course"

"Is that a bad thing" Gibbs kept sanding his boat while he answered Ziva.

"With the way I look these days" She sounded defeated.

Gibbs smashed his piece of wood with sand-paper on it against the wall of the basement. He ran up the stairs and held her by the shoulders.

"Don't you think like that, you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside and don't you ever think otherwise and I am convinced Tony shares my opinion."

"Oh, in case you haven't noticed. My hands are covered in scars, my face has one and not to mention the ones I have on the rest of my body. They whipped me, Gibbs. None of those scars are gonna go away anytime soon"

She turned around and walked back up the stairs "he is much better off without me"

Gibbs took a deep breath "you are making a huge mistake Ziva"

"Maybe.. but it's mine to make" She softly closed the basement door behind her.

"what was that all about" said Tony while he walked into the basement. He had heard the commotion and like he had done so for the last couple of weeks he wanted to protect Ziva from anything or anyone who could harm her, even if that included Gibbs.

"You tried to kiss her"

"yes, I did. she looked beautiful and I just couldn't resist. However she made it very clear she doesn't want me"

"It's not that" Gibbs returned to his sanding. "She is afraid you find her repulsive."

"WHAT, how can she say that" Tony was shocked.

"She just did, she is very aware of the fact that there are scars on her body you haven't even seen yet. She is afraid you might reject her once you two get to the more physical aspects of being together"

"physical aspect" Tony didn't get it, what physical aspect and then it dawned on him.

"Oh, that" Tony couldn't believe he was actually discussing his love life or lack there off with his boss Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He turned bright red. He was turning into McGeek.

"Do you think I should go and talk to her" He didn't know what to do. He actually didn't want to discuss this with his boss so he brought up the conversation he had with Ziva earlier today.

"We had a bit of a fight today. She feels we are suffocating her. She wants to go out on her own."

Gibbs smiled. Tony didn't understand what the hell was going on. Why the hell was Gibbs smiling.

"What ! "

"She's back. I always wondered when she had enough."

The following day Tony and Gibbs decided to leave Ziva on her own. They left for the office in order to get some paperwork done and by the time they had come back Ziva was gone. A note was left on the kitchen table. _Gone to get some new clothes, took the car hope you don't mind._

No, she didn't, did she. Gibbs ran to the place where he normally would park his yellow Dodge Challenger and found an empty parking lot.

"I will kill her if she as so much puts a scratch on it" Gibbs growled.

Tony laughed, "aren't you the one who said _She's back_. You better hope and pray she isn't completely back or else your car won't survive" Tony remembered Ziva's driving.

Late in the afternoon Gibbs' precious car was neatly put back in the empty space. Tony saw Ziva getting out but quickly raced outside when he saw her stumble.

"what's wrong" He gently lifted her up and walked into the house where he put her on her bed.

"leg, cramp. I shopped until I dropped." Ziva said with a smile but with her teeth clenched. Tony didn't hesitate, he unzipped her pants and started to massage her left leg. He never noticed Ziva's horrified look when he took in the sight of her leg. A single large scar was situated on the top her leg and you could see where the doctors had operated on her in order to get her leg in good working order again.

"Tony, don't. I'll do it myself" Ziva tried to put her pants back on but Tony would have none of it.

"Don't be stupid" Tony was looking up for the first time and saw tears in Ziva's eyes. He immidiatly stopped doing his massage. "I am doing it again aren't I. I am telling you what to do"

He sighed.

"I never meant to do that, Ziva. I am only trying to help you. I am only trying to help you like I tried to help you with Rivkin"

Ziva nodded "You should have trusted me, you should have talked to me about your concerns, instead you started snooping around and came up with all the wrong conclusions"

"That should have gone both ways, I was.. no I am your partner, you should have trusted me as well" He leaned forward until his forehead rested against hers.

"Ziva will you let me massage your leg. I don't mind the scars. I can't say I love them because to me they are a reminder of what you've been through but they are a part of you now and whatever part that is I will love it no matter what, because I love you no matter what."

She slowly sunk into her pillow. Tony realized that with this gesture she had given him her trust but most of all her fear. He removed her pants completely and started to continue his massage.

"I must say Anthony DiNozzo you are very good at what you do" She moaned in utter contentment.

TBC……….


	10. Chapter 10

I thought it was about time Ziva took back her life. One more chapter to go, it's in my mind, but…

I hope you'll bare with me. I've seem to have lost my beta reader so excuse me for my English. Jools where are you ?

**Healing part 10**

**Ziva takes it back**

The next morning Ziva woke up feeling a warm body next to her. Tony. He was still asleep. She turned around to face him and watched him sleep. She thought back to yesterday. He was so honest with her that she couldn't do anything else but to trust him. He had massaged her left leg until the cramp had subsided. She was totally relaxed with him, despite the fact that he had now seen her with her pants off. She giggled, how did the Americans say "caught with your pants down". Tony stirred, he heard a giggle but couldn't figure out where it had came from but then it hit him. Ziva was still laying next to him, did she just giggle. Maybe he was drooling, he wiped his mouth of just to be sure.

"Tony, wake up." She nudged him ever so carefully. She knew from past experience that Tony wasn't really an morning person. She remembered waking him up once with a bottle of water, he didn't appreciate that. She stared at the glass of water standing next to her bed, it did however get the job done. She shook her head. Better not. Tony opened his eyes.

"Why are you in my bed. Did I have a nightmare again, I didn't hurt you did I" She quickly scanned his face to see if she had hit him any were but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"No, you didn't. I just mist holding you" He murmured. He snuggled back up against her in order to retain that lovely Sunday morning feeling, except it wasn't Sunday and Ziva was going to the centre that morning. Ziva decided that there was no time like the present to get out and take a shower before she would leave for the centre. Ever since the brace on her left leg was allowed to be taken off she got around so much better. While she was on her way to the bathroom she removed the shirt she slept in without even thinking of the fact that Tony was still in the room. When she heard him suck in his breath she realized that he was still in her room and that she had shown him her bare back. The back that was repeatedly whipped by her captors.

She turned bright red and didn't know how fast to put her shirt back on, but Tony wouldn't have it. He took her by the waist and slowly began touching each and every scar on her back. She shivered.

"Tony"

"Don't' say it"

He placed a finger on her mouth. "you were beautiful and you still are beautiful. Some of them will go away and some of them will stay and I will cherish each and every one because they are yours" He felt her relax in his embrace.

"You go take a shower, I'll make breakfast and then…." He grinned "I will give you the keys to my car so you can take yourself to the centre, if that is _what you want_"

Later that morning when Ziva returned to Gibbs' House she was once again alone. After another shower to wash of the sweat of that morning's exercises she felt re-born. She was happy to have told Tony the truth, she was going to take back what was hers to begin with. She decided to call Ducky and make an official appointment with him so he could check her out. She knew he wasn't her real doctor but it made him happy and this way the team would know about her progress without having to ask her. She also knew Ducky wouldn't give out any painful details about her recovery or the results of her torture.

She made herself lunch and just when she was about to sit down and eat there was a knock on the door. She opened it and found McGee standing in front of it.

"Hey" From the looks of it he still wasn't going to talk to her.

"I thought I should give your computer an upgrade"

"Sure, it's in my room, go right ahead"

She finished her lunch and then came up with a idea. Ziva walked over to her purchases from the other day and quickly found what she was looking for. She walked to her room where McGee was already busy with her laptop. She slowly closed the lid on it and thus forcing McGee to look at her.

"I don't think it needs an upgrade each and every time you are here McGee. How about a game of scramble"

McGee blinked."Did you say you want to play a game of scramble"

She nodded. "and talk to me, McGee. I am not going to go crazy on you"

McGee looked at her. He saw a woman who had been broken but still had some fight left in her. A woman who had risen out of the ashes of her own death, like a phoenix. He saw some of the old Ziva in her eyes. She was back, not completely but most of her had come back. It would be a long process but she was on her way back.

He smiled "I won't let you win this time"

"If I remember correctly I won the last time because I was ….simply brilliant."

McGee laughed.

Tony arrived just before dinner time and heard Ziva and McGee laugh. He joined them in her room just as McGee was about to leave.

"Looks like you two had a good time"

"Yes, we did indeed. We played scrabble"

Ziva smiled and all Tony could do was stare at her. He loved hearing her laugh.

"You want to stay for dinner McGee. I am cooking"

Both Ziva and McGee were staring at Tony.

"You are"

"Oh god, not pasta again" Ziva grunted.

"what is wrong with my pasta dishes" Tony scoffed.

"nothing, but I don't want them 5 times in one week"

"Ok, what do you want to eat" Tony remembered their talk earlier this week.

When Gibbs arrived they decided on ordering in. Since most votes count McGee, Ziva and Gibbs ordered Thais leaving Tony slightly hurt that no one wanted him to cook one off his famous pasta dishes anymore.

Around eight all of them had eaten and McGee was on his way back home. Tony walked him to his car.

"Thanks, McGee"

"for what, Tony"

"You made her laugh"

The night that followed was a quiet one. Tony sneaked into Ziva's room and just watched her sleep. She had a peaceful night. He did that often now, he would just watch her sleep. He needed to know that she was safe. He needed to know she was still here.

He left her about half way through the night in order to get some sleep of his own. The following morning he woke up only to find out that Ziva had come up to his room and had sneaked into his bed. Most of her body seemed to cover his and he gently lifted her up and put her aside. She stirred a little but continued sleeping. When she came down he already made her breakfast and when Gibbs joined them they sat at the table enjoying a good breakfast.

" I would like a lift to NCIS please"

She might as well dropped a bomb. The two men looked at her as if she had gotten out of her mind.

"What why…." Tony managed to get out.

"For starters I would like to see Abby and I've got appointment with Ducky but most of all I spoke to Vance who told me that my father wants to see me and he gave me permission to use MTAC on this occasion"

Tony and Gibbs looked at each other, both men didn't like the fact that Ziva would be talking to her father.

"What does your father want from you that he couldn't say to you on the phone"

"He wanted to see me, not only talk to me but see me as well"

"Hasn't he heard of a webcam" suggested Tony. "Why MTAC"

Ziva shrugged her shoulders " I don't know, he wants to see me in MTAC"

Gibbs and Tony reluctantly took Ziva with them. When she arrived at NCIS she was greeted by a lot of people who had all missed the feisty Israeli. Gibbs chuckled, they did miss her, they missed they way she could keep Tony in line.

Ziva went down to Abby's lab and when she got in she was rewarded with a enormous hug. Abby was thrilled to see her in such a good shape, she looked a whole lot better than the last time Abby had seen her. The scar above her eye remained but the hair was growing back, she had put on some weight but most of all her eyes were full of live. Abby sighed, she had her friend back.

The two woman talked for a while when Ziva realized she nearly forgot her appointment with Ducky.

She quickly said goodbye to Abby and left to go and see Ducky. The good doctor had the tea ready and was already waiting for her.

"Goodmorning Ducky"

"Hello, my dear. Would you like some tea before we start"

Ziva nodded. She enjoyed her tea session with Ducky, and for the first time in a long while she felt relaxed and human again. She felt alive again. She was taking back her life, they did not break her. After the tea session Ducky gave her the once over and decided that she was well on her way back to get her full mobility back. He very well knew it would take some time but she was getting there. He would never admit to it but he missed their tea sessions. Abby only drank CafPow, Gibbs had his horrible coffee, Tony never wanted to stay and McGee was always sticking his nose in a computer, but Ziva…yes Ziva took the time to properly drink and enjoy her tea. He even bought some special tea in order for her to taste different variaties. Oh, yes the good times would return, maybe he thought, just maybe he mused.

The phone rang, it was Vance requesting Ziva to come up to MTAC. She felt herself getting nervous, this was it. She would let him know her plans for the future. She had made up her mind, she wasn't going to let him dictate her life like that ever again. If she could live through everything her captors had thrown at her she could face her father as well. She had been talking to Vance about this and he had agreed on one condition, her father had to agree as well.

She entered MTAC and there was his face was plastered on the huge screen. She swallowed hard, she was not going to back down. They talked briefly in Hebrew before Director David turned to Vance.

"You have no problems with this Leon"

"None at all Eli, she is a damm good agent"

"Fine, than it is settled. You can have her if you want"

Eli David stared at his daughter. He would never admit it but he was so proud of her. She didn't break during her torture and right now she took charge of her own life. She blackmailed him into letting her stay with NCIS as a semi retired Mossad Agent. She would remain with NCIS as a liason officer but he would never be able to order her back into the field. He knew that if he didn't agree to this he would never see her again, he would never see his future grandchilderen, he would never hear her laugh again, she would disappear out of his live forever. Despite the fact that many thought he was a cruel man he cared for her, she was his only remaining family member. She was the reason he did what he did, but in the progress he had lost sight of the reason why he did what he did. To create a safe home for his family he had used his them like pawns, and look where it got him. He lost his wife, daughter, son and almost his second daughter. He would have given her the moon if she asked him to, so he could very well grant her this request at least this way she stayed in his life. Maybe they could make a new start, when she was ready. Maybe one day….

Vance and Ziva left MTAC together. They walked up to the bullpen where Gibbs, Tony and McGee were pretending to work. Vance cleared his throat.

"Men, may I introduce to you. Mossad Liason officer Ziva David. She will be returning as part of your team as soon as she clears her fysical and medical test." Ziva was glowing.


	11. Chapter 11

This is the final chapter. How do I know, well I had trouble writing it, it didn't came out as fast as the other chapters did. If that happens I know the end is near. Overall I am pretty pleased with myself, some chapters could have done been better some are pretty descent and some are alright. Hope to see you soon in one of my other stories.

**Chapter 11**

**She's back home**

When Gibbs, Tony and Ziva retured to Gibbs' house they all were quit.

"So you spoke to Vance about this"

"Yes"

"Why didn't you clear it with me first" Gibbs mentioned.

"It wouldn't have mattered if my father wouldn't agree, and I knew he wouldn't agree if I didn't have Vance on my side"

Tony was a happy man, he had his woman back. She would return to him. Tony thought that they should celebrate just like the good old times with a movie night.

He would go home pick out some movies and then come back so they all could watch them. Ziva however insisted that he took her with him. Ziva and Gibbs looked at each other and he gave a nod. He knew what she was planning.

"Don't worry. I'll …we'll be fine. I need… no I want to do this while I still have the courage " She whispered in his ear when he gave her hug on her way out. Gibbs sighed, rule 12 was out the window. He wondered how many times he would have to hit the back of DiNozzo's head tomorrow in order to bring him back to earth.

Tony entered his apartment just before he let Ziva in so he could quickly scan his place to see if there wasn't anything he would be embarrassed about. She entered his place and without his knowing locked the door. She followed Tony to his DVD collection and when he bent down in order to look for the movie he had in mind he felt an hand touching his ass. He swallowed, what the hell was she doing. He slowly got up, turned around and looked Ziva in the face. He noticed the fear in her eyes but that wasn't the only he noticed. Her eyes had darkened with desire, she wanted him, but he could tell she was also afraid. He didn't know why she would be, he wanted her. He always had wanted her. He realized he wanted her from the day he met her.

Ziva was so nervous she almost didn't want to go through with it. What if he didn't want her, what if he got scared, what if he…..didn't feel the same…or heaven forbid found her repulsive with the way she looked. Short hair, skinny and not to mention scars everywhere. She sighed, this was a bad idea right from the start, what was she thinking.

Tony could see the conflict in her eyes. He decided that he would help her out. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. He felt her respond. She allowed him access and for a little while their tongues battled for supremacy. She lost and melted into his embrace. Tony figured she wouldn't be this easy to beat once she got her strength back completely. Slowly he started to unbutton her shirt. He didn't want to force the issue. He wanted to give her plenty of time to say no so he backed off but she guided his hands back to her shirt. She made it very clear to him that she was the one taking control back. She may have let him win with the kiss but she was clearly taking control now. Her initial fear had been overpowered by her desire to feel him inside of her.

"I want you now" She whispered.

He lifted her up and walked to his bedroom. Her legs had moved up and around his waist. He reached for the light switch but she stopped him. He figured she didn't want to wait any longer and didn't question her. Their lovemaking was gentle, slow and long overdue. He was so careful with her, not wanting to hurt her. She shivered when she was completely naked under him, afraid he would turn away from her, but he didn't. He kissed all of her scars like he had done so previously with the ones on her back. During that night he gave her his most price possession, his heart. He knew he wouldn't get hers that night but he was content with the fact she would give him her trust and maybe in a way that was an even more valuable item then her heart. Any trust she would have had for family, friends or lovers for that matter of fact had been beaten out of her during her imprisonment. When exhausting finally washed over them he reached for the light switch but she stopped him once again but this time she gave a explanation.

"Don't, please no light." She practically begged him.

He looked at her. His eyebrows slightly raised. She continued.

"When I was….with them….darkness meant no pain, no interrogation. If the light was being turned on, it would mean that they were on their way. It would mean more pain. I started to like the darkness and right now I need to feel safe so please leave it off." She gave him a shy smile and snuggled up against him.

Tony looked at her, he caressed her face. How could he ever express in words what he felt for her.

"Do you know that you are the most beautiful woman in the world Ziva Rachel Leah David"

"How come you know all my names Anthony Patrick DiNozzo"

He chuckled. "The same way you know mine"

The following morning when Tony woke up he noticed that Ziva was still fast asleep. He watched her for several minutes and was completely content with the way things had worked out. She was back, they had sex…no correction he thought they made love, cause he loved her that was now very obvious to him. He would tell it to the world HE LOVED ZIVA DAVID…..oh crap Gibbs, work. He was going to be late. He quickly got out of bed, showered and made himself some coffee. He left a note for Ziva to find and ran out the door.

Tony arrived 15 minutes to late. Gibbs looked up and saw Tony arrive.

"Sorry Boss, traffic Jam"

"Liar"

"What"

"Liar"

Both men were sizing each other up. It was a staring contest and Tony knew he would never be able to beat Gibbs at his own game. They both knew why he was late.

"You hurt her, you die"

"yes Boss."

It took Ziva four more weeks before she was able to return to desk duty at the NCIS headquarters. Gibbs wouldn't allow her in the field just yet but she was more than happy to be able to do paperwork, she was going nuts doing nothing. At least this way she felt useful. She spend her nights between Tony's and Gibbs' house, until one day she got a letter in the mail saying she was the proud owner of an apartment in one of the most beautiful neighbourhoods in Washington. There was a note attached to it.

_Dear Ziva, _

_I know I will never be able to ask for your forgiveness for all the things I have done, or should have done. I never was the father you always wanted me to be but please accept this small gesture on my part. Maybe one day I will be able to come and visit my grandchildren. If you decide not take the apartment you can always sell it and keep the money and choose one of your own liking._

_I may not always say it or show it but I always have and always will love you._

_Your father._

She drove to the address and was filled with joy at the sight of the house he bought for her. She called him.

"Thank you. I am going to keep it"

Eli David was glad his daughter liked what he had done. He knew they had a long road ahead but he also knew you had to start with one single step. Today they had made the first step.

She moved into her new house that same weekend. The entire team helped her move in. Ziva didn't have much that needed moving and what she did have was quickly put into place. At the end of the day she told the team she would cook for them and all of them were more than happy to accept, they hadn't forgotten her cooking. When it was time to leave Tony was taking Ducky back to his place because the doctor had a view to many drinks and McGee went with Abby so that left Gibbs and Ziva on their own.

"Gibbs"

"yes, Ziver"

"Thanks"

"For what"

"Everything"

Gibbs gave Ziva one of his rare smiles. They understood, nothing needed to be said. Words were unnecessary between them. Two soldiers who understood each other to the core.

"You have changed the name of the boat, yes"

"Yes, I did"

"Good……………..what name does it have now"

"Tali"

She blinked her tears away and silently nodded.

"I'm truly home"

**The End.**

**A/N **I thought I would end with Gibbs because I started with him as well. The naming of the boat was a suggestion from one of my readers, since I've forgotten who you are I'll do it like this. Thanks …

I have a sequel planned. A little prologue if you want to call it like that. Will I ever write so many chapters again, don't think so but you'll never know. Hope you enjoyed it.


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